Monday, February 01, 2010

Solomon Kane, de Michael J. Bassett

Solomon Kane alatristea en su ritmo al pecar de querer contar muchas historias con un débil hilo argumental. Así, se crean algunos inicios (buenos), nudos (correctos) y desenlaces (de toda clase) que, si bien como webisodios darían el pego, al hallarse reunidos en un largometraje solo dan la sensación de coitus interruptus constante, de estar subiendo hacia un clímax que se precipita de golpe para iniciarse otra historia.
Así no hay manera de entrar en la peli, ni aún cuando a la hora de proyección el (super)héroe compone su traje típico (el de peregrino que copió el Van Helsing de Sommers) y parece que la cosa va a más. Y no.
Una lástima que el verdadero Solomon Kane, el cabrón que lucha en África contra pigmeos caníbales y rescata a princesas de pechos voluptuosos (y que aparece en el prólogo con toda una declaración de intenciones: "aquí el único demonio soy yo") se quede en África.
No quiero ver al Kane que quiere resarcirse y que busca la paz en Inglaterra. No he pagado la entrada para ver como durante hora y veinte el tipo que antes fue un gran luchador se niega a combatir y se deja tundar por cuatro skin-heads del siglo XVII.
Acertada la decisión de fichar a James Purefoy, un Hugh Jackman tras veinte años en la cárcel.
Sobre la parte final, un par de apuntes:
Vale que el guión no es lo más importante en este tipo de films. Pero se podrían cuidar los detalles. Así, si Kane lleva diez minutos diciendo que se ha criado en el castillo que quieren asaltar y que sabe como entrar sin hacerlo por la puerta, lo que NO debes hacer es: que entre por una cloaca que los deja a un metro de la puerta (la sensación en el cine era que estaba viendo un remake de Top Secret) y cuando diga en voz alta "yo crecí aquí", que nadie le responda "¿tú has vivido aquí?", porque no parece serio.
Y si no tienes dinero para efectos por ordenador y te está quedando la peli la mar de apañada con cuatro prostéticos, maquillaje y látex a tutiplén (que es uno de los logros de la peli y consigue crear una atmósfera barroca, densa y sucia), si no tienes dinero, digo, no lo inviertas en el peor monstruo creado por cgi que se haya visto en pantalla en mucho tiempo. Un Spore malhecho, que no aporta nada, y al que le faltan un par de renders para dejar de parecer un garabato digital que se queda colgado cada vez que hace un movimiento.
Por lo demás, la peli se deja ver un sábado por la tarde. Lo que no es poco.

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